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Choose Not to Seek Signs and Wonders

Barbara | March 12, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren


In today’s technologically driven age, we are constantly exposed to ever increasing, mind boggling activities. We are plugged in, turned on, or hooked up all day long. Texting, emails, iPods, iPads, cell phones, snap chats, video games, T.V., and surfing the Net consume hours daily. We become addicted to constant brain stimulation.

How does this affect the Christian community or those searching for Christ? Well, no longer are they satisfied with the ordinary. They must have dramatic faith healings and spectacular miracles or else they think God does not exist or is not doing a good job. Unfortunately, they have the cart before the horse. People want to experience a miracle to believe in God, when actually they need to believe first.

In Christ’s hometown of Galilee, Christ didn’t do many miracles because of their lack of faith. (Matthew 13:58) Was this because Christ’s miracles were dependent on their faith? Not at all! But what would have been the point? They wouldn’t have believed anyway, because contrary to popular opinion, miracles do not increase belief. The Israelites proved that. God performed miracle after miracle for them, including parting the Red Sea and they still didn’t believe He could take care of them in the Promised Land.

Sometimes God does provide a visual when He knows it will actually boost our faith. Such was the case with Thomas who said he wouldn’t believe Christ had risen from the dead unless he saw Him, but Jesus was quick to tell him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:24-29)

The need for Christ to authenticate His message through miracles has long passed and would be wasted on our visual effects society. Besides, God should not have to prove Himself to us. His message speaks for itself. Sadly, some professing Christians are still seeking signs and wonders long after their conversion. This is not so much that they doubt Christ’s existence as they are looking for a “thrill” that comes from the miracle. It gives a “high,” a byproduct from an over-stimulated society. But when we are always looking for the next big thing or supernatural happening in our lives to feel God’s presence, we forget that He has been with us all along. We miss the daily walk.

Sure there are times we have those horrible “lows” in life where we cry out to God for miraculous deliverance and experience the “high” that comes when we are delivered. But when there is no major difficulty going on, do we see the miracles of God in the drudgery of everyday life? Do we see God in our day-to-day grind – getting up when the 6 o’clock alarm rings, taking a shower, brushing our teeth, carpooling the kids, driving to work in the same old car to the same old job and coming home to the same old family, then cooking something to eat, doing the dishes, helping with homework, falling into bed dog-tired? Can we cheerfully get up and do it all again the next day and stay totally centered on God?

Healthy Christians are able to go through life without God having to supernaturally zap them with an addictive spiritual methamphetamine to get them through the day. As we grow in God’s grace, we realize the miracle of God revealing Himself to us all the time. It might be in the laughter of a child, the smile of a coworker, clouds in the sky, sunlight on a window pane, or the guy who lets us merge in traffic.

Consider this… If we are truly looking for a miracle, we need look no further than where we are. For where we are, God will be. He’ll never leave us nor forsake us no matter what. He can be our peace and calm in an over-stimulated world. If we don’t see that as a miracle, there is no need to look anywhere else, because we’ll never find it.


Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Our society is addicted to technology. To see if you are addicted, try a technology fast for a day. How long can you last without any screens?
  • Try to wait at least an hour in the morning before turning any technology on. Try sitting in silence to pray or meditate before you start the day.
  • Do not pull your smart phone out when you are having dinner with others. Each call, text, ping, or whistle is not an emergency and can wait until you are not with others to be dealt with.
  • Become more aware of the world around you. A sunset, flower, mountain, or rainbow are all miracles of creation.
  • Be aware of God’s presence in your life 24/7, walking with you and giving you the strength to make it one more day. Try plugging into God for a change. That’s when you begin to see what a miracle your life is.

Choose Not to Put Your Trust in Miracles

Barbara | March 5, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

No one would deny that God can perform miracles. Jesus healed the sick, raised the dead, calmed the raging storm, and my favorite – turned water into wine. I’m thinking it was a nice Merlot or perhaps a Cab. However, people looking for God to reveal Himself through a miracle sometimes miss the fact that the Bible tells us not all miracles come from God. Look at these scriptures:

Deuteronomy 13:1-3 says that if people foretell dreams or signs and wonders that come to pass, then encourage you to follow other gods than the one true God, you should not listen to their words. Therefore, it must be true that others besides God can perform certain signs and wonders.

Mark 13:22-23 tells us to be on guard because others than God can perform miracles that can deceive us into thinking they represent Christ.

Matthew 7:22-23 tells us that many will come to God pointing out that they had performed miracles but God will say, “I never knew you. Get away you evildoers!”

2 Thessalonians 2:8-9 reminds us that Satan has the power to perform counterfeit miracles, signs, and wonders.

Exodus 7:11 recounts how Moses and Aaron performed miracles such as having a staff turn into a snake, but Pharaoh summoned his sorcerers and they did the same thing.

Therefore, miracles are not always proof of where God is working. Plus, we cannot always trust what we actually see. Just watching a master illusionist such as David Copperfield in Vegas will prove that. Did he really make a tiger appear out of thin air, or did he make you believe he made a tiger appear out of thin air? It’s a tricky world.

When we watch faith healings on television, is the person really healed? I’m not so sure. Perhaps some, but in Jesus’ day when He gave a blind man back his sight or made the lame walk, it happened in a setting where a whole village actually knew the person. They could attest to the fact that yes, indeed, that person had been blind from birth or this person had never been able to walk. A whole town had seen them struggle day after day. That is just a little different than watching it on TV, attending a faith revival, or having someone you don’t even know interviewed on TV and claim healing. There was no doubt about what Jesus did. It wasn’t left up to speculation.

Consider this… Miracles rarely increase one’s belief in God. The Israelites experienced miracle after miracle and still they did not believe. Once people experience one miracle, they want another, and another, and another.

Do we look to God or to what we think God can do for us through a supernatural wonder? If that is our approach, we miss the biggest miracles of all – Christ living and dwelling in us, the peace that passes understanding, and fruits of His Spirit manifested in our changed lives.

So be careful what you wish for. If a miracle is what you wish for, you might get it. But just remember this – not all miracles come from God.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Pray for discernment. Discernment is the ability to recognize and perceive. Christians without discernment are very gullible and swallow everything they see and everything people tell them hook, line, and sinker, whether it’s true or not.
  • We live in a confusing, chaotic world. We need God’s discernment to be able to navigate it wisely and not be led away by every wind of doctrine that comes along. Build a solid biblical foundation by prayerfully reading your Bible daily and asking God to help you assimilate what you read, so you will have a theological basis for the decisions you make.
  • Ask God to help you to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, truth and deception. Even though Paul had taught the Corinthian church the truth, he still feared they could be lead astray. So he cautioned them to stick to the simplicity of the teachings of Christ. (2 Corinthians 11:3-4)
  • The Thessalonians were admonished to examine things carefully and hold fast what is good, abstaining from evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:20-22) This is good advice for all of us.
  • Remember that emotions and feelings can be deceiving. You may feel that something is true, but that doesn’t make it true. Ask God to teach you His ways so you can walk in His truth. (Psalm 86:11)

Choose Not to Prejudge Others

Barbara | February 26, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


Choose Not to Prejudge Others

One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

I guess some idioms will soon be obsolete. Those who grow up reading books on Kindles may one day not even know what “judging a book by its cover” means. We may have to think of a better phrase to let people know that prejudging one’s quality, talent, or character just by looking at a person is a mistake.

Britain’s Got Talent, the British counterpart to our American Idol, found that out in 2009 when a frumpy-looking, 48-year-old, unemployed volunteer decided to try out for the television show. The audience was skeptical and judges rolled their eyes until Susan Boyle sang her inspiring rendition of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. A standing ovation followed. So did fame and fortune for Boyle.

Our human tendency is to make evaluations based on outward appearances. We might think a man is poor because he wears raggedy clothes and drives an old car, but he could be a millionaire. Someone might look wealthy and be a big spender, but he may have maxed-out credit cards and a house in foreclosure.

In today’s superficial world, people tend to judge by appearance. We make wrong assumptions when we judge someone’s character by what appears on the surface. Meekness is not weakness. Sociability is not spirituality. Loquaciousness is not intellect. Using wisdom is not cowardice. Having biblical knowledge does not mean one is close to God.

The scribes and Pharisees appeared spiritual on the surface, yet they judged Jesus and his disciples’ religiosity for eating without washing their hands. That was a definite no-no against their purity laws, which were a big deal at the time. These laws were what the religious hierarchy used to determine one’s devotion to God. (Mark 7:1-8) They didn’t know they were criticizing the very Son of God.

Samuel would have chosen Jesse’s first born son Eliab to replace King Saul. After all, he was tall, handsome, and athletic. When Samuel saw him he said, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here.” (1 Samuel 16:6, 7) But God refused him because God looks on the heart, not the outward appearance. So a lowly shepherd boy name David was chosen instead.

When God wanted someone to deliver the Israelites from their bondage in Egypt, Hhe did not choose an eloquent speaker. He chose Moses, who was not what you would call dynamic. In fact, he was slow of speech; perhaps he even stuttered. (Exodus 4:10) Yet he was a man of God. (Deuteronomy 33:1)

Making snap judgments based on appearances can lead to prejudice, segregation, and stereotyping. Yet, it is easier to judge quickly than to take the time to get to know people. Only through knowing people can we determine how they think or feel or where their hearts are. Only through looking beyond the surface can we discover those hidden qualities, talents, or character traits worth finding.

Consider this… Whether we are holding a brightly covered book with appealing pictures or a Kindle with only sparse features, we will still have to read the book to know what it’s all about.


Suggestions for practicing this choice….

  • Accept people for who they are, not how they look. Pink hair, tattoos, and flamboyant clothes do not mean flighty, crude, and shallow.
  • Do not think you can’t learn something from people without a college education or PhD. It would be a mistake to assume they are unknowledgeable or uneducated.
  • It’s a “put-down” to prejudge others. When we “put others down” we are actually trying to pump our self-worth up. The Bible says to esteem others better than ourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
  • Try to accept our differences rather than trying to get everyone to conform to what we like.
  • Follow God’s example of looking at a person’s heart, not his/her outward appearance.

Choose Not to Complain

Barbara | February 19, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

Mark Twain once said, “Don’t complain and talk about all your problems. Eighty percent of people don’t care; the other twenty percent will think you deserve them.” There’s a lot of wisdom in that statement.

The Bible admonishes us to do all things without complaining. (Philippians 2:14) That’s not easy to do. Complaining is the great American pastime. We complain about everything: our employers, our coworkers, our spouses, our kids, our taxes, our hair, our weight, our houses, our government, the traffic, long checkout lines, and the weather. The list is endless. Someone once said that God created everything in six days and after resting on the seventh day, he was ready to answer complaints on the eighth.

Our society doesn’t help. It programs us to think we deserve so much more than we have and that possessions are stepping stones to happiness. Marketing companies are masters of selling us things we don’t really need. From an early age, we are blitzed with advertising telling us one cereal is better than another because of the toy inside the carton, and it doesn’t stop until they lay us to rest in the finest rosewood we think we deserve instead of a pine box. We grow up in a constant state of discontent. We complain about what we don’t have. When we get it, we still complain. The more we have, the more we complain.

Complaining is not a new concept. The children of Israel loved to whine and complain. When they left Egypt, they complained a lot. They wanted different food. They wanted meat. They wanted better drinking water. They wanted Moses to speak to them instead of God. Each time God gave them what they wanted, they were still discontented – and they didn’t even have a television telling them McDonald’s was better than manna.

To stop complaining means more than just keeping our mouths shut. The Greek word for “complaining” in Philippians is “gongysmos,” which means to grumble and murmur under our breath. So that probably means we shouldn’t even contort our faces in disapproval and make disgusted, low, guttural, grumbling sounds that show everyone we are displeased without actually coming out and saying it.

To really stop complaining, we must replace those complaints with something positive. The opposite of complaining is thankfulness.

Consider this… Nothing positive comes from complaining or grumbling. It’s a real downer! Not only does it make us miserable, but it makes those around us miserable, too. Constant complaining taints our perspective. We lose focus on the really important things in life.

Finding things to be thankful for is much more productive than complaining. Perhaps it’s as easy as seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty. Or perhaps we should just be thankful we have a glass.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Put a rubber band around your wrist and each time you complain, snap it so that it hurts. If in a day or two you have a painful, raw, bleeding wrist, feel free to complain about that. After all, your complaining made it happen.
  • Don’t be a whiner! Wah, wah, wah… Life’s not fair. I don’t deserve this. Nobody appreciates me. When you start each morning, do you rise and shine or rise and whine? Stop whining. If you can change your circumstance, change it. If you can’t, whining about it won’t make it better.
  • Remember that Paul and Silas did not complain when they were cast into prison. They sang songs of praise instead. They rejoiced in the Lord. (Acts 16) So when you feel a complaint coming on, sing a song instead. Count Your Blessings is one that comes to mind.
  • When you start to complain, think of something to be thankful for and whisper “I love you, Jesus” instead of grumbling.
  • Repeat this old adage often: Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, why not be happy that the thornbush has roses?

Choose Not to Be an Island

Barbara | February 12, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

The phrase “no man is an island” was first written in 1624 by the famous Elizabethan poet, minister, and scholar John Donne in his Devotions – Meditation XVII. The poem is quite dated by today’s standards, but it inspired a song with lyrics that ring true for all generations.

No man is an island

No man stands alone

Each man’s joy is joy to me

Each man’s grief is my own

It goes on to say that all men are our brothers and we need one another. And although I should welcome this lofty concept, sometimes I just want to be a hermit and get away from everyone. Some are energized by the company of others; I am fatigued.

Visions of being alone on a tropical island enter my mind. My island would never get above 75 degrees, since I don’t like hot weather. (If I’m having a vision, might as well have one tailor made for me.) Not having to deal with the quirks of fickle people is appealing. Of course, in all honesty, to be truly happy on the island I would need TV, Internet, and a cell phone. I don’t need the cell phone to call people, but I have my photos, games, and music to consider. I might need room service, but then that would involve other people. Life gets so complicated.

But here’s the deal… God is more about community than isolation. He models this in the Trinitarian relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is further exemplified in the grace filled gesture of making salvation available for all mankind so we, too, can enter into that relationship.

To me, the true meaning of “no man is an island” is that whether I like it or not, we are all interconnected. We are interconnected with God and with each other. This is more than just a physical connection. It’s a spiritual one. God loves us. God loves others. God wants us to love Him. God wants us to love others. (Matthew 22:38-39) God wants us to love one another. (John 15:12)

God makes it clear that we have responsibilities towards one another. Just search for the phrase “one another” in the Bible and see what pops up. Here are a few examples…

  • …serve one another in love. (Galatians 5:13)
  • …be devoted to one another in brotherly love. (Romans 12:10)
  • …honor one another. (Romans 12:10)
  • …accept one another. (Romans 15:7)
  • …admonish one another. (Romans 15:14)
  • …greet one another. (Romans 16:16)
  • …bear one another’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
  • …bear with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)
  • …submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
  • …encourage one another. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
  • …pray for one another. (James 5:16)
  • …love one another. (John 13:34-35)

Consider this… These scriptures would be hard to fulfill in total isolation. You see, true Christianity is about our relationship with God and our relationship with “one another.”

So as I return from daydreaming about my fictitious island, I realize “no man is an island,” nor should he want to be one.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Find ways to connect with others at work, school, church, etc. Ask them questions and be interested in what they have to say.
  • Force yourself to smile at others.
  • Pray for those you come in contact with. You don’t have to know others really well to pray for them.
  • Ask God to help you be interested in other people.
  • Be patient with others and pray that they will be patient with you.

Choose Not to Get Hung Up Over Rituals

Barbara | February 5, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

After years of bondage in Egypt, it was only natural that the Israelites had absorbed quite a bit of the Egyptian culture. When God delivered them, He wanted them to be a separate people – an example to surrounding nations. To accomplish this, God provided them with a set of laws. If the Israelites obeyed this covenant, God said that they would be His “…treasured possession…and a holy nation.” (Exodus 19:5-6)

Therefore, the book of Leviticus is crammed full of detailed procedures, rules, and rituals the Israelites were expected to follow. Each instruction had a specific purpose designed for the time in which they lived – in Old Covenant times. However – times change.

When Jesus came to establish a New Covenant, things would be different. No longer were godly people identified by their rules and rituals. Their identity would be in Christ.

This was a hard concept for the Pharisees to grasp. The Pharisees were the religious experts of the time, the keepers of the Mosaic Law. By the time they encountered Christ, certain rules had been added to the law, many becoming extreme customs – so much so that the original intent of the written law was often lost. Yet, they felt the observance of these regulations were vital in keeping God’s favor and considered themselves the righteous standard for obedience to God.

Jesus claimed to be the Son of God, but He continually violated the Pharisaical “godly” customs. For example, He ate and drank with sinners, which made Him ceremonially unclean. (Luke 7:34-39) He broke the Sabbath by healing people and picking a little corn to eat. (Luke 13:14; Matthew 12:1-2) He and the disciples did not participate in the ceremonial washing of their hands before they ate. (Mark 7:1-23)

Now this washing of the hands ceremony was a little bigger deal than just using some hand sanitizer for healthy eating. It went something like this: Fingertips pointed up. Water poured down them until it ran down the wrist. A palm would be cleaned with the fist of the other hand. Fingertips would then point down. Water poured down them until it ran off the finger tips. Then they would switch hands and repeat.

Shockingly, Jesus did not do it that way. When the Pharisees asked him why, He replied with a quote from Isaiah 29:13: “These people honor me with their lips but their heart is far from me. They worship me in vain, but their teachings are but rules taught by men.” He went on to say, “You nullify the word of God with your tradition.” (Mark 7:13) In other words, “You think your traditions are more important than the word of God!”

Christ was saying that what we do is not as important as why we do it. Jesus did not come with a list of rules and regulations. He came with His teachings and the law of love.

In New Testament times, people were used to seeing “works” – customs and rituals being performed. So they asked Jesus, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” Jesus replied, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent.” (John 6:28, 29) This was a new, radical concept.

Most of us think, “Those silly Pharisees. They just didn’t get it!” How could they set up their own customs, rituals, and standards of righteousness and think they were God’s? But how many of us really “get it?” How many of us have subconsciously done the same thing, worshiping traditions more than Christ?

Are we tied to total immersion baptism, how often we take Communion, the order of our church service, the tempo of our worship music, what instruments are allowed in church, certain hymnals, dietary habits, circumcision, tithing, Old Testament holy days, hair length, specific Bible translations, abstaining from alcohol, men wearing ties to church, women wearing dresses, Saturday or Sunday worship, the altar call, collecting an offering, and so on? There is nothing wrong with having opinions about these things or even doing them in a “traditional” manner – one to which we have grown accustomed – but when we focus more on what we do instead of why we do it, we miss the mark.

Even more dangerous is when we judge and condemn others who do not do it the way we think it should be done. Are we using God’s standard or our own? Are we doing things for God’s glory or our own? Are we doing things because we think God likes it or because we like it? We need to be honest with ourselves.

The same goes for those who break tradition. Are they doing it as an act of rebellion? Are they judging and condemning those who like tradition and ritual? It works both ways.

Consider this… If a custom or ritual can enhance our relationship with God, then so be it. But we must control our rituals; they should not control us. If they control us, we have no flexibility or room for anything that might be a little different – sort of like the Pharisees.

We need to keep perspective. After all, God has called us into a relationship, not a ritual. (1 Corinthians 1:9)


Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Do not judge others who do things differently than you do.
  • Do not confine God to your standard of thinking.
  • Do not use God to justify your likes and dislikes.
  • Do not think of the Bible as a list of do’s and don’ts.
  • Think of the Bible as a way to get to know the mind of Christ. The really important questions to ask when studying scriptures are not: what, when, why, or how. The Bible is all about WHO! Get to know the WHO (Jesus Christ), and all the other questions will be answered or pale in significance.

Choose Not to Spread or Believe Rumors

Barbara | January 29, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices
By Barbara Dahlgren
Our last blog focused on gossip. This time we will talk about rumors. On the surface, it may appear these are the same thing. While there is a distinct overlap, there are also nuances that differentiate the two. There are elements of gossip that can mean to merely chit-chat. For example: “Did you see John’s new car?”; “Mary lost weight and looks great?”; “The Smiths had twins.” However, rumors usually have a malicious intent. They can’t be substantiated or verified, and have no discernable source for truth.

Rumors abound in today’s society. We hear them on the job, at home, in political campaigns, newspaper articles, e-mail correspondence, at church, on T.V., and virtually everywhere. They always have been and always will be a part of everyday life. Rumors feed our desire to know a little secret. “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see” is great advice, but how many of us actually heed it? Or are we all too willing to believe what we want to believe?

When it was reported that Mark Twain was dead, imagine his shock when he read his obituary in the newspapers. To which he made the famous reply, “The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” That’s one of the problems with rumors. They tend to get greatly exaggerated.

Years ago we worked near a pastor who was having some difficulties. Our headquarters labored diligently to help this man come to terms with what he was struggling with. Finally, the pastor asked for and was granted a leave of absence so he could spend some reflective time praying and studying without the added responsibility of taking care of his church. However, others who were not in our area heard rumors and interpreted them to mean that this man was treated unfairly and basically given the axe. Since we were in the adjacent area, we started receiving calls from all over the U.S. “What a raw deal!” they would say. “How could they treat him that way?”

These people did not know all the facts, but were perfectly willing to jump to the wrong conclusion. My husband and I learned a valuable lesson from this. Things were definitely not as others thought they were. Now when we hear about someone getting a raw deal, we know there may be many other sides to the story. And since we may never be privy to all those sides, it behooves us to be a little cautious before believing the worst.

We know what the Bible has to say about those who spread rumors. They are called “whisperers” (Romans 1:29-31), “busy bodies” (1 Timothy 5:13), “sowers of discord” (Proverbs 6:16-19), and “tale bearers” (Proverbs 11:13). Regardless of this, rumors will always be with us. Furthermore, we will always be tempted to listen to them. Why?

The answer is in Proverbs 18:8 (NLT) which says, “What dainty morsels rumors are!” Not listening to rumors is like turning down a delicious dessert. It’s hard to do. No doubt, when we nibble on one morsel, it creates a taste for more. Perhaps, it’s better not to open the box of candy at all. For who can stop with just one bonbon? We are eager to partake of those sweet, delectable concoctions, just like we are eager to hear and believe the latest tidbit making the rounds.

Consider this… Proverbs 26:20 says that without wood a fire goes out, and without rumors, a quarrel dies down. With that in mind, next time someone wants to tell us a juicy rumor, why not refuse that dainty morsel? Just say, “No thanks! I’m on a diet!” Rumor has it that we will all be a lot healthier if we do!

Suggestions for practicing this choice…
When you are tempted to spread a rumor, think about the following:

There is nothing as effective as a bunch of facts to spoil a good rumor.

It’s easier to float a rumor than to sink one.

A groundless rumor often covers a lot of ground.

There is nothing busier than an idle rumor.

A tongue four inches long can kill a man six feet tall.

Unfortunately, an unfounded rumor isn’t one that’s lost.

Choose Not to Gossip

Barbara | January 22, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

The old television show Hee-Haw had a humorous segment with four women called the Gossip Girls singing something like this…

“Now, we’re not ones to go ’round spreadin’ rumors,

Why, really we’re just not the gossipy kind,

No, you’ll never hear one of us repeating gossip,

So you’d better be sure and listen close the first time!”

Pretty funny, huh?

Gossip can have many sides. In fact, some gossip can be good, some bad, and some ugly.

Good Gossip

Is there such a thing as good gossip? Actually gossip has several meanings. One is to exchange light, trivial chitchat. It’s a sort of mutual sharing of information. “Mary used a new hair coloring.” “John got a new car.” “Julie had a baby.” It’s usually common knowledge that one wouldn’t mind sharing with others. This kind of socialization helps us learn to relate to others and can be bonding.

Bad Gossip

However, a second meaning is to spread rumors, usually of a sensitive or intimate nature. Don’t we just love being privy to some juicy, personal tidbit about someone else? It doesn’t even matter if it’s true or not. People may not start out telling half-truths but by the time they tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends who tell their closest friends, the truth can get pretty distorted, but we believe it anyway. As the saying goes, “Some people will believe anything if it’s whispered to them.”

This type of gossip can be harmful and hurtful. Bad gossip is when you have to abruptly stop a conversation because the person being talked about comes into the room. When you are afraid to say it to a person’s face, it can’t be good to repeat.

Ugly Gossip

Ugly gossip deliberately tries to damage a person’s reputation, which goes beyond sharing something you’ve heard. These are lies designed to cause pain and grief. With the Internet, they are all too easy to spread. Unfortunately, when people see something in print, they believe it even more than something whispered in the ear.

This type of gossip can seem quite impersonal, unless you are the target of such maliciousness. School bullies use this technique on kids they don’t like. This cyberbullying results in many young people committing suicide. They even have a term for it called “bullycide.”

No wonder the Bible says, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. (Proverbs 16:28 – NLT) It also says, “What dainty morsels rumors are—but they sink deep into one’s heart.” (Proverbs 18:8 – NLT)

Consider this… Gossip is like a feather blowing in the wind from place to place. Take ten feathers and release them in a breeze. Then try to retrieve them. It would be an impossible task. Gossip is similar to this. Once we utter gossip, we can’t really get it back because it is blowing around from place to place.

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • If you have a problem with someone, sort it out between the two of you. Don’t tell everyone else about it.
  • Be objective when someone shares discontent with you. Remember, you are only getting one person’s side of the story.
  • When someone starts gossiping to you, change the subject. If a simple deflection won’t work then say, “This conversation is getting really negative. Why don’t we talk about something else?” Or say, “I really don’t feel comfortable talking about people behind their backs.”
  • Don’t say anything about people to others that you would not say in front of them.
  • Think about this acronym when you speak of others.

                                    True – Is it true?
                                    Helpful – Is it helpful?
                                    Inspiring – Is it inspiring?
                                    Necessary – Is it necessary?
                                    Kind – Is it kind?

Since someone shared this with me and I’m sharing it with you, let’s just say this is some good gossip you can share with anyone who tries to share bad gossip with you – to keep rumors from getting ugly.  


Choose Not to Make Excuses

Barbara | January 15, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren  

No Excuses - free from PixabayI recently read an article about a woman who wanted her husband to put his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper instead of dropping them on the floor. The author went to great length explaining that there was probably some sort of underlying, psychological reason why the man didn’t want to put the dirty clothes in the hamper. I’m not singling out men here. Some women have the same problem. The author felt that if they could get to the core of the reason behind the action, the problem would be solved.

Honestly???? Give me a break. Here’s a reason for you: people just don’t want to do certain things, so they don’t do them.

I am so tired of people trying to explain away their bad habits. I don’t doubt we could solve the world’s problems by getting to the psychological reasons of why we do what we do, but that doesn’t stop our bad habits. Bad habits are there because we have allowed them to become an ingrained part of our lives. To understand why we do something is marvelous; to stop doing it is something else entirely.

Now it might be a little different if this couple were not living in a shared space. If a person had a room of his/her own and wanted to leave clothes all over the place, then so be it. Or if this couple could afford a cleaning lady to come in daily, so be it. More power to them! Problem solved. But if other arrangements can’t be reached, then this couple should learn to work together on the problem, agreements must be made, and a mutual plan of action taken. Or else they will just have to learn to live with dirty clothes scattered around and stop complaining about it. Because complaining about another’s bad habits does not change the situation.

Picking up dirty clothes is fairly small in comparison to other areas of our lives. However, it could be a metaphor for just about any behavior. People have to learn to function in society. Jobs must be done or people get fired. Bills must be paid on time or fines and penalties occur. Good grooming might be necessary if one wants friends.

We all have excuses for what we do or don’t do, and while they may be valid, they might not help us lead happier lives co-existing with others. As the Bible says, something might be lawful but not expedient, or it might be permissible but not beneficial. (1 Corinthians 6:12) In other words, just because we can justify what we do, doesn’t mean it’s the best course of action to do it.

Does that mean we are unsympathetic because some people have to struggle with certain issues more than others? No! It means just because we understand why people do certain things does not give them license to do it. Just because we have an excuse for what we do doesn’t mean we should continue doing it.

Consider this… People don’t care if we are having a bad hair day, have eaten too much sugar, have a chemical imbalance, were poor as children, had parents who paid more attention to our siblings than us, were potty trained too early or late, have a temper because we’re Irish, are lazy because we never had to go out and get a job, or are slobs because our mothers picked up after us. And while these may be valid reasons for the bad habits we’ve acquired through the years, at some point we have to stop making excuses for ourselves and just do what we should do: get up, pick up, clean up, and grow up!

Don't Make Excuses - free from Flickr


Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • Learn to take responsibility for your actions. Occasionally you might have to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that.” It won’t kill you. Taking responsibility actually gives you a certain kind of personal power.
  • Believe it or not, people already know you are not perfect. So when mistakes are made, learn what you can and move on.
  • When you find yourself making an excuse, ask yourself why. Is it to get out of trouble? Is it to justify bad behavior? Is it to avoid responsibility? Is it to do what you want rather than what should be done? If the answer is yes, better make some changes.
  • Never say you can’t change. Everyone can change. What you really mean is that you choose not to make changes because change is difficult. At least be honest with yourself.
  • Remember this quote from Benjamin Franklin. “He who is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

Choose Not to Play the Blame Game

Barbara | January 8, 2017 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)


One More Year of Choices…

By Barbara Dahlgren

The Blame Game - free from Google advanced search - VimeoWe live in a society where people do not want to accept responsibility for their actions. If people spill hot coffee on themselves, it’s the restaurant’s fault for making the coffee too hot. If a person shoots someone, it’s the gun manufacturer’s fault. If a person drives drunk, it’s the bartender’s fault. If a child misbehaves, it’s the music industry’s fault. If a smoker dies from lung cancer, it’s the tobacco industry’s fault. Should gun manufacturers, restaurants, bartenders, the music industry, cigarette makers, and others act more responsibly? Yes! Are they to blame for the choices we make? No!

To go a step further, our culture places blame on circumstances, parents, the media, our plight, or anything else that will minimize our own faults. While it’s true our lives are heavily influenced by environment and heredity, there comes a time when we need to shape the clay of our lives into what we want and stop blaming our parents, our lack of luck, or the times we live in for who we are. Who we are today does not have to be who we are tomorrow.

Human beings are experts at making excuses. They “wah, wah, wah, wah” their way through life saying things like: “I wasn’t told. I never had an opportunity. Everybody is doing it. They owe it to me. They don’t treat me right. They don’t like me. It’s not my fault.”

Dilbert Cartoon on Blame - free from Flickr

This proclivity to blame others for our circumstances and poor choices is not new. It’s been going on since the time of Adam and Eve. If you read Genesis 3, you’ll see that when God asked Adam why he disobeyed by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam blamed Eve. Then Eve blamed the serpent. Adam went so far as to say to God, “It’s the woman, YOU gave me!” Now it was God’s fault. Everyone wanted to blame somebody else. And so the pattern was set, and we’ve been blaming someone else for what we do ever since.

Even though a pattern was set doesn’t mean it can’t and shouldn’t be altered. It can begin with us. We can make an effort to change our circumstances. We can also say, “I made a mistake. I’m sorry.” We need to be accountable in school, with parents, with kids, in marriage, to employers, to employees, with the government, with our neighbors, with our friends, and with God. If we start to accept responsibility for some of our lesser poor choices, we might learn something. Maybe we’ll learn to make better and wiser choices in the future.

Blame Quote - free from Flickr

Suggestions for practicing this choice…

  • If you are in a bit of a mess, ask yourself how you could have avoided it. Learn what lessons you can, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
  • It won’t kill you to admit you’re wrong occasionally. Try it! Repeat after me. “I was wrong. I am sorry.” Say it again. “I was wrong. I am sorry.” You can do it. Give it a try.
  • Just because you make mistakes does not mean you are unlovable. God loves you. Your spouse loves you. Your kids love you. Your parents love you… Well, God loves you!
  • Read the following quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer often. “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” In other words, blame does not change you or your circumstances. It is totally unproductive.
  • Don’t play the blame game because you will always lose!